This past Monday was a free for all for HT (or free-fall as she calls it). It was completely ruled by Murphy’s Law. Sit back and be prepared to be amazed.
Listen while you read!
It was a miracle in its own right, her temperamental car starting in subzero temperatures. But by the time she came home from her first errand she had to cancel all her other plans to call her doctor instead (Boo hoo for her I say). She’s fine other than sciatica issues . I swear she’s not yet 30 and already she’s falling apart.
Next she realized MY site was down because thinking and setting up automatic payments with hosting site are two very different things.
After that the day seemed to be going in the right direction again, she even got cooking and cleaning done but just around her bedtime things got screwy.
I mean a train wreck screwy if it was actually inflatable trains full of fuddled clowns.
Halfway through cooking she got the call, “You’re Mom’s got a flat. Can you come get her?” You know those kinds of calls, ‘call roadside assistance, meet her here, blah, blah, blah’. A few back and forth calls later she was picking up some Fix-A-Flat (her favorite car product) and met up with her mum. I opted to stay home where it was at least semi-warm while she and her mother merrily played handy ladies.
So proud was she until the can was empty and the rim was barely off the ground. But it was full enough to get to a gas station and use another can or air. This is when a clown came back out and squirted water from his flower.
HT: Okay Mom take it to the closet gas station. The closest.
Off they went in the OPPOSITE direction of the nearest gas station around in a big loop and stopped at a yellow soon-to-be-but-not-yet-red light. Then more red lights start flashing and a man in a neon green vest started waving a flag. Oh, no big deal just a TRAIN CROSSING! HT jumps out of her car and knocks on her Mom’s window scaring the poor thing, he he.
HT: Where are you going? I thought I said the closest?
Mom: (Shrugs, smiles, looks cute and chuckles.) But that’s near the highway.
HT: Just go to the closest one okay? I can’t believe you… I say (blah, blah, blah) and you get us stuck at train tracks!
They’re laughing and HT is still shaking her head as they eventually start driving away. Then her mom takes a right away from the nearest gas station AGAIN and while HT is wondering what is going on now follows her mother into a small, half-open station. A gas station that doesn’t sell windshield wiper fluid let alone Fix-A-Flat. “Oh the stuff in the can,” was the response she got from the attendant who told her they didn’t even have an air pump. There was a CVS around the corner so HT & Mom planned to go there. But first those pesky clowns were back and laughing hysterically as CRUNCH Mom backed into HT’s car!
I see where HT gets her giggly personality from now. They were both giggling but I wish I could have seen HT’s face as she waved her hands in the air, eyes popping.
HT: What’s wrong with you?!
Mom: Uh… (Smile) uh…(giggle). Is there a dent?
I’m sorry if ants had pants well I would have just peed them. Could you come back in a minute please?
Right, so they make it one block over to CVS, though Mom AGAIN took the longest route and cut off another driver as she skidded off a snow bank while she took the corner. Instead of parking she begins circling like a bored shark. She’s cutting through empty spots making her own circus ring. You can hear the circus music now too can’t you? Click here for a sample .
HT hurries in praying Mom won’t hit anyone else but alas no Fix-A-Flat to be had so they’re off again this time to Walgreen’s across the street. After following Mom out the exit that won’t allow them to turn left, the way the need to go, and they’re off on another big loop she starts looking for bucking horses and cowboys .
Yet another can of Fix-A-Flat is bought… but it wasn’t warmed up enough or something because it didn’t work. HT then knew how Zorg felt when he finally got his hands on the box only to find it empty. One more trip to a gas station, for air this time before making it home and their ordeal was over. At least for the day.
So how was your Monday?
Okay let’s take a quick educational break shall we!
I thought you couldn’t use Fix-A-Flat in cold weather?
Well you can. On the can it tells you that in temperature’s below freezing to heat can up under the car’s heater for at least a minute before using. HT’s done this a few times, though I’m not sure why she’s so proud of it, and it’s usually in the coldest of cold days.
Just make sure you heat it up and shake it REALLY well. And don’t forget to read the directions.