OPINIONATED ANT » Random

Your Pet Peeves

Humanoid Translator — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 15:00:40 +0000

As told by Humanoid Translator

While Eliza Leigh is jumping on the keys of my cell phone in the other room, no doubt leaving obnoxious tweets, I’m commandeering her blog yet again to share some more pet peeves with you. These are unique because they were shared as comments in the post 10 More Pet Peeves. Maybe one is yours.

Covering all the bases

“Other things that get my goat? Willful ignorance, intolerance, close-mindedness and ladies white dress shoes.”
-Scraps

Annoying habits

“Also, he tends to leave kitchen cabinets open after getting a plate or cup out. I hate it.”
-Rachel

Grocery Store Woes

“I say constantly at the grocery store – I’m patient and I will wait till you’re finished. But then they always hurry out of the way. “
-Melissa

I really like this one. I’ll have to try it sometime.

“And the people who write checks. Can’t they get with the times and ask their bank for a check card? It is literally the same exact way of paying, except its worlds more convenient. I don’t get people who turn down convenience because they’re too stuck in their ways!”
-Lynda

Rude Behavior

“My personal bugaboo is rudeness. I cannot – *cannot* – stand that. I answer the phones at work and I come across all manner of telephone rudeness. Is it the empath in me that causes me to be ultra-polite to others?”
-Lisa

“There is no excuse for it, and it makes me want to bash something over their heads. (Which I think is not so much rude- as violent, so I’m not being hypocritical).”
-SUZROCKS

What a visual. Violence is sometimes a necessary evil.

Grammar

Mandy can’t stand this grammatical error.
“I could care less,” when it’s actually, “I couldn’t care less.” If a person could care less, that means that actually care a little bit. If you couldn’t care less, that means you totally don’t give a rip! Get it right, people!”

I’m afraid to ask her if I formatted that right!

Food

“Talking with a mouth full irritates me so much it was tough when we were living in China hahaha.”
-Maureen

I hate to cross China off my list…

At the movies

“People who bring babies to an action movie (or any movie really). Every time something blows up, the baby screams. If you can afford to go to the movies, you can afford a babysitter.”
-Clarabela

Nothing like baby screams to kill the atmosphere.

I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who gets batty over little and not so little annoyances.

10 More Pet Peeves

Humanoid Translator — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:00:52 +0000

As told by Human Translator

I enjoyed sharing my rage inducers so much in my last post, 10 things that may one day make me snap, that I put Eliza Leigh in timeout, the shoe box to be precise, so I could share 10 more pet peeves.

One- Rude people in supermarkets

I’m not talking about the lady four inches shorter cackling and calling me short but the people that push and shove to get to the ice cream. Really, the three rows next to me of vanilla are different than the one in front of me? If you are not literally starving or starring in a post-apocalyptic flick then there is no need.

Two- Talking with food in your mouth

We all do it but when you have a mouth full of escaping food as you incessantly talk or flying as you gesture it makes me want to dodge your messy projectiles while wondering if I’ll have to do the Heimlich maneuver.

Three- Leaving empty containers in the fridge

Whether it is eggs, my leftovers, or my ice cream stash if you eat it all throw away the evidence. That way I won’t get my hopes up and throw a tantrum. Well it would be a smaller tantrum.

Four- Crocodile Tears

You want sympathy, you want forgiveness just don’t offer up fake tears. Yeah, it will make me uncomfortable but only because I’m attempting to restrain an overwhelming desire to slap you upside the head and in my best Chris Tucker voice cry, “What’s wrong with you?”

Five- Repeatedly, purposely mispronouncing

I say many things wrong but if you can’t say something right after the thirtieth time in a row then use a different word. For example, if you can’t pronounce Geum Jan Di then just say the main character in Boys Over Flowers.

Six- Beeping when you’re in the wrong

Just because you’re louder doesn’t mean you’re right.

Seven- Telemarketers that hang up on you

I say no thank you and you hang up! Next time I won’t pick up the phone at all.

Eight- Nagging

We all do this too but at least vary your vocabulary otherwise it becomes a mantra- in a bad way.

Nine- Not replying to my emails

When there is a legitimate question or we’re making plans and you blow me off. Oh wait, is that how people feel when I don’t call them back?

Ten- Constantly interrupting my train of thought

If I say hang on a second and continue to scribble furiously then please stop talking to me. Or at least don’t expect a response.

Looking back at these Pet Peeves posts I realize that Eliza Leigh and I have more in common than I thought. That or she’s brainwashing me. If you enjoyed my ramblings check out this post, 10 things that are just NOT okay, over at SNOTW.

What about you? Do you have any pet peeves that make you a little crazy? Please share it so I won’t feel so lonely.

10 things that may one day make me snap

Humanoid Translator — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 12:00:00 +0000

As told by human translator while Eliza Leigh is still in a sugar induced coma

I am an easy going person; you’d have to be to put up with a highly opinionated mutant ant like eL. However, there are a few things that slip under my skin and make me hold back my Hulk-like transformation with all my might. Believe me no one wants to see me turn green, rip off my shirt or jump out of a plane.

One… leaving an empty roll on toilet paper holder

You’re asking for a rampaging woman if you leave the rolls empty in the bathroom. I’m not sure which is worse having four full rolls sitting on the counter because you were too busy that you couldn’t multitask and refill the roll while on your throne or leaving an incomplete magazine as an alternative. I hope you didn’t want to finish reading that article on clean eating.

Two… cutting me off and then braking

You’re asking for a death warrant if you make me tap let alone slam on my brakes after you almost cause a ten car pileup because you were in such a rush to go ten miles below the speed limit in front of me.

Three… waking me up in the middle of the afternoon for an asinine reason

If you want to know what time Market Basket closes Google it or use the phone that you are harassing me with and call Customer Service. And if you don’t know what Market Basket is then why would you want to go there in the first place?

Four… Pushing people in line

Do you really think pushing someone into an immovable object is going to get you somewhere? And they call me delusional.

Five… Using your cell phone while being waited on and then making everyone else wait while you finish your uber important conversation

If I wanted to hear about your abysmal love life then I would ask you, but hearing it while the cashier is waiting for you to pay and my ice cream melts is bound to cause me to have little sympathy for you when you cry that your boyfriend called you a selfish shrew. Can I have his number?

Six… talking on your phone in public bathrooms

Another cell phone issue, don’t talk in a public bathroom especially if it is a professional call. I will repeatedly flush the toilet and set off the dryers and then run giggling like a ten year old. Test me, please.

Seven…telling me a story when I say I don’t want to hear it

Seriously, if I say I don’t want to hear in minute detail how that guy on I Shouldn’t Be Alive survived or how that sappy Lifetime movie played out… I mean it.

Eight…being told when I can and can’t cheat while on a diet

If I listened to you then it wouldn’t be cheating now would it? Don’t ever attempt to keep me from a McDonald’s ice cream if I want one.

Nine… being ignored when you’re doing it to annoy me

Don’t engage me in a conversation and then not respond to see how long I can keep my cool. Life is not a game of chicken and I will clobber you (or at least imagine it). If you ask me a question then acknowledge my response.

Finally the Tenth and main reason why I’ll end up in restraints…

Acute sleep deprivation

Any of the other complaints are just pesky pet peeves on their own but coupled with acute sleep deprivation are disasters waiting to happen.

If you think I’m bad multiply this list by 50…

*Photo taken by MinivanNinja on Flickr

2009 Reflections: 16 Opinionated Ant posts to read while bored

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:00:02 +0000

The year was full of surprises and challenges both good and different. Our posting was sporadic at best but we’ve enjoyed every minute of it. By the end of the year, my humanoid had a firmer grasp on what this blog is precisely and even a better tag line!

Two fictional characters blogging fictionalized facts.

Although, I’m not sure who the fictional characters are. Hmm… anyways we also changed the look a few times and have started ruminating on a few new challenges for 2010. Hope your 2009 was every bit as exciting as ours and share your 2009 round ups below.

January

Ahh, January seems so long ago. In fact, we were still posting on Eliza Leigh’s blogger account which is still up with 2008 content. This was a quick about the author post that may still be somewhat useful.

About the author

February

Now up and running as Opinionated Ant on WordPress my human was very distracted by getting adjusted to the new platform… don’t tell her but she is still clueless.

One of my favorite segments, Driving Etiquette shares a few mind numbing tips for anyone who is too lazy to walk. Here is such a gem.

Driving Etiquette: Borrowing a Car

March

The cursed mall, unless you are a tween or an avid shopper or not afraid of large crowds like my human, is a place to see and be seen. This post was from shamelessly eavesdropping on the senior citizen nation that relaxes there before the tweens arrive.

Floyd, Thistles and a Segway… Morning Mall Culture

April

You shouldn’t eat Fast Food, you’ve heard that before I’ll bet. But you really shouldn’t eat Fast Food when it is slow. Take my word for it.

Taco Bell, Fast Food Slow

Ever wonder what a Mutant Ant looks for in a film? Look no further and remember, we out number you!

Five Movies Every Mutant Ant Should See

May

We all need some eye candy in our lives and before my censors get all riled up, this is pretty close to a G-Rated blog so you really can click on this link. It really is safe for work.

Favorites on Flickr

June

A weekend away and both of us sound like were are still on a MSG high from that Pizza Hut buffet in Portland, Maine. Seriously.

Back from Outer Space… I Will Survive

July

Ever go to the movies to escape only to find small and not so small distractions driving you insane? Us too!

Pet Peeves at the Movies: What’s Yours?

August

Okay, it really isn’t All About the filmmaker but a page full of links where you can get your fill.

All About: Miyazaki

Many wonder… only a mutant ant can tell.

Can Ants Smell?

September

Another simplistic question you were too afraid to ask… so I did for you.

Noses Grow & Not Just From Lying

This was a Bebe experience at the store. Share yours.

eL Bizarro: Supermarket Serenade

October

A challenge that my human only made it for ten days. I think that is what she originally meant but then made a typo… perhaps.

100 Day Challenge~ What would you do?

A list that you should erase from your memories- Murderers!

7 Ways to Kill a Mutant Ant- or Die Trying

November

You really don’t want to copy my humanoid…

Lesson Learned: From Flat Tires

December

Another great reason why my human should not be a role model.

Reckless Photographers: Shouldn’t Cry When They Ruin Their Cameras

Lesson Learned: From Flat Tires

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:00:44 +0000

People will walk/drive by you and stare without saying anything.

This didn’t bother me the ten times people passed us by until one man walked by REAL slow and then DROVE by real slow. He should’ve stopped and asked for my autograph. Incidentally, one woman stopped and the two guys that ultimately got my tire on.

Make sure you have the necessary tools in your trunk.
Shocker, I did! Where they came from though I have no idea. Put the jack in the right place.

Make sure you put your jack in the right place.
Don’t ask me where that is since I forgot already. Just not where I had it.

If you have a spare, check it for air occasionally.
My spare is currently full of Fix-A-Flat. Another necessary in your car.

It is the whole wheel that needs to come off- not just the rubber part.
I don’t think I can say much more…

Driving on a flat can bend your rim- even if it is only a very, very, very short distance.
All the times I drove for long distances on a very, very, very low tire without a bent rim don’t count

If you have roadside assistance make sure you have the phone, card or whatever it is connected to with you.
Speaking of roadside assistance-ours got lost & told my sister that he wasn’t going to look for us. So make sure you tell them the directions. I guess telling him three times wasn’t enough (okay maybe twice .

Stand on the lug nut while trying to loosen the nuts.
It is the small things that give you joy.

“I found this whole post about it on CMcKane’s posterous.”

That is funny, who is this CMcKane and how did they know about our day?

Note from the author: Please don’t Eliza Leigh or her Humanoid Translator tell are not real. End of public service announcement.

100 Day Challenge~ What would you do?

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:00:02 +0000

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

“EL, I need to tell you something.”

You burnt the cookies?

“No, I didn’t bake any cookies.”

You finally bought my penthouse.

“Isn’t complete control of the living room enough? Now listen this is serious.”

You went food shopping!

“If this is what having kids is like I’ll stay childless.”

Your future non-existent children thank you. What did you want to tell me? I’m very busy watching Bonnie Hunt.

“I’ve been off soda for 3 months now and starting my next challenge.”

What do you want a pat on the back, a cheer? Yay. There does that make you happy?

“Err, thanks. No I want some ideas of what to do next. I’m thinking exercise daily for ten minutes.”

Lame.

“Excuse me?!”

Sorry I’ll speak slower. L a m e. El lamo. You want a 100 day challenge? 10 minutes of exercise is no challenge.

“Oh, well I’m waiting for one of your brilliant ideas.”

Post on Opinionated Ant every day for 100 days.

“Ha, ha. I’ve barely been posting 3 days a week. You start cooking & cleaning & I’ll think about it.”

What about taking a picture every day?

“That’s not a bad idea. Do you have any others?”

Oh, what would you do without me? Prank someone everyday?

“That requires way too much planning. Unless I could prank a certain ant I know everyday, hmm.”

Learn a foreign word a day.

“Eliza, you’re outdoing yourself. Go on.”

Ooh, cook one meal a day.

“And you lost me.”

Fine lets put it to the readers. What would you do for a 100 day challenge?

7 Ways to Kill a Mutant Ant- or Die Trying

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Have a pesky mutant ant?
I may be a mutant ant but only my humanoid translator finds me pesky. Here are seven examples of her murderous intent, all of which failed miserably.

Squish it
My human tried to step on me but missed a step and tumbled down the stairs

Overdose on sugar
Ha ha, I ate her under the table.
Now she’s on insulin.

Flush down the toilet
The car keys that I took down with me caused a flood and my human slipped and hit her head while trying to fish them out.

Put bleach in drinking water
I switched our water

Grate it
She clumsily tried to make me a salad topping. The doctors were able to reattach her finger.

Build an ACME death trap
It didn’t work for Wile E. Coyote either.

Cook a healthy dinner
She ended up with E. Coli.

“Eliza Leigh, you’re exaggerating like usual. I only tried four of those.”

Let that be a lesson to all you ant killers and remember we out number you!

Photo credit: xardian of Flickr