Trying out Twenty Eleven & making a mess! Getting ready to unhibernate¹ on August 1, 2011

This past Monday was a free for all for HT (or free-fall as she calls it). It was completely ruled by Murphy’s Law. Sit back and be prepared to be amazed.

Listen while you read!

It was a miracle in its own right, her temperamental car starting in subzero temperatures. But by the time she came home from her first errand she had to cancel all her other plans to call her doctor instead (Boo hoo for her I say). She’s fine other than sciatica issues . I swear she’s not yet 30 and already she’s falling apart.

Next she realized MY site was down because thinking and setting up automatic payments with hosting site are two very different things.

After that the day seemed to be going in the right direction again, she even got cooking and cleaning done but just around her bedtime things got screwy.
I mean a train wreck screwy if it was actually inflatable trains full of fuddled clowns.

Halfway through cooking she got the call, “You’re Mom’s got a flat. Can you come get her?” You know those kinds of calls, ‘call roadside assistance, meet her here, blah, blah, blah’. A few back and forth calls later she was picking up some Fix-A-Flat (her favorite car product) and met up with her mum. I opted to stay home where it was at least semi-warm while she and her mother merrily played handy ladies.

So proud was she until the can was empty and the rim was barely off the ground. But it was full enough to get to a gas station and use another can or air. This is when a clown came back out and squirted water from his flower.

HT: Okay Mom take it to the closet gas station. The closest.
Mom: Okay.

Off they went in the OPPOSITE direction of the nearest gas station around in a big loop and stopped at a yellow soon-to-be-but-not-yet-red light. Then more red lights start flashing and a man in a neon green vest started waving a flag. Oh, no big deal just a TRAIN CROSSING! HT jumps out of her car and knocks on her Mom’s window scaring the poor thing, he he.

HT: Where are you going? I thought I said the closest?
Mom: (Shrugs, smiles, looks cute and chuckles.) But that’s near the highway.
HT: Just go to the closest one okay? I can’t believe you… I say (blah, blah, blah) and you get us stuck at train tracks!

They’re laughing and HT is still shaking her head as they eventually start driving away. Then her mom takes a right away from the nearest gas station AGAIN and while HT is wondering what is going on now follows her mother into a small, half-open station. A gas station that doesn’t sell windshield wiper fluid let alone Fix-A-Flat. “Oh the stuff in the can,” was the response she got from the attendant who told her they didn’t even have an air pump. There was a CVS around the corner so HT & Mom planned to go there. But first those pesky clowns were back and laughing hysterically as CRUNCH Mom backed into HT’s car!

HT: Seriously!!!
Mom: Whoops.

I see where HT gets her giggly personality from now. They were both giggling but I wish I could have seen HT’s face as she waved her hands in the air, eyes popping.

HT: What’s wrong with you?!
Mom: Uh… (Smile) uh…(giggle). Is there a dent?

I’m sorry if ants had pants well I would have just peed them. Could you come back in a minute please?

Right, so they make it one block over to CVS, though Mom AGAIN took the longest route and cut off another driver as she skidded off a snow bank while she took the corner. Instead of parking she begins circling like a bored shark. She’s cutting through empty spots making her own circus ring. You can hear the circus music now too can’t you? Click here for a sample .

HT hurries in praying Mom won’t hit anyone else but alas no Fix-A-Flat to be had so they’re off again this time to Walgreen’s across the street. After following Mom out the exit that won’t allow them to turn left, the way the need to go, and they’re off on another big loop she starts looking for bucking horses and cowboys .

Yet another can of Fix-A-Flat is bought… but it wasn’t warmed up enough or something because it didn’t work. HT then knew how Zorg felt when he finally got his hands on the box only to find it empty. One more trip to a gas station, for air this time before making it home and their ordeal was over. At least for the day.

So how was your Monday?

Well you can. On the can it tells you that in temperature’s below freezing to heat can up under the car’s heater for at least a minute before using. HT’s done this a few times, though I’m not sure why she’s so proud of it, and it’s usually in the coldest of cold days.

Just make sure you heat it up and shake it REALLY well. And don’t forget to read the directions.

We’re still in Florida just wanted to remind you.

“Technically, it is Monday night and I haven’t even started packing yet.”

Technically, this is going to be a scheduled post so no one needed to know that but now everyone does so let’s try this again.  We should still be enjoying our Floridian vacation when this little blip pops up on your radar.  Rereading these old posts caused my Human and a few friends more than one minute of merriment so check out these pet peeves.  The first three are a series by everyone but me it seems, I feel left out.

10 things that may one day make me snap

10 More Pet Peeves

Your Pet Peeves

This is an older post but definitely worth a glimpse.
Pet Peeves at the Movies: What’s Yours?

Occasionally my humanoid translator turns off her brain. I may be the mutant but she is truly the freak of nature. She writes down my words of wisdom in stacks of notebooks but does she post them here? No!

Is this green? No. Did you know I was talking in my best Chris Tucker voice? You would have if you’ve watched The Fifth Element as many times as me.

Since her weekend was already jam packed with activities I’ve decided that her punishment will be two-fold. First, she will have to bring me with her EVERYWHERE she goes. Secondly, she needs to make a video of her first attempt at Kimchi.

That might be punishing all of us, her cooking or her attempt to document it, but I feel it is letting her off easy for not coming here in two weeks! Some posts she still has yet to post that I am anxious to share with you was the big Fung Wah trip to Koreatown. Almost 400 pictures later I have a few favorites. I think I may have her post a few pieces of her forgotten poetry too. Talk about humiliation galore!

What about you? Do you ever get caught up and forgot to post or stare at the screen and whine, “I don’t wanna”?

By Miggslives on Flickr

Lately, we’ve been watching a lot of movies and the romance is going to my poor humanoid’s brain.

“Not true, Eliza. I had a fever.”

She sighs where normally she’d scoff.

“I had a cough.”

And I caught her watching Lifetime movies without coercion more than once.

“It was a mystery.”

Whatever her protests, we had an enlightening conversation of ideal romantic gestures. One is the serenade. Funny, passionate, bad and sweet to be serenaded could be the highlight of a movie. What about in real life?

“Train wreck.”

Admittedly, it might not go as well. But let’s put on the rose-colored glasses and ignore the possibilities of stalkers, screamers and scenes of intense embarrassment.

If a man, or a woman, serenades you, especially in public they are opening themselves up for ridicule, rejection, and are laying their humble heart at your feet.

“Unless they are experienced musicians and/or like being the center of attention.”

Rose-colored glasses, HT. Stop hiding behind that gruff exterior we all know you cried at Treasure Planet.

“Stop bringing that up! Besides it had nothing to do with romance. I got something in my eye.”

Bebe was serenaded with a Billy Joel song at the supermarket. What about you lovely readers? Have you ever been serenaded? What was it like? What did they sing and how it did turn out?

Obviously, my human has never been serenaded. Can we say bitter anyone? HT, if you ever find a man crazy enough to like you-

“Thanks.”

-what would be sweet music to your ears?

“More than Words.”

How Quaint.

“What?! It’s a classic. What about you, eL?”

She’s a Brick house.

As told by Humanoid Translator

While Eliza Leigh is jumping on the keys of my cell phone in the other room, no doubt leaving obnoxious tweets, I’m commandeering her blog yet again to share some more pet peeves with you.  These are unique because they were shared as comments in the post 10 More Pet Peeves.  Maybe one is yours.

Covering all the bases

“Other things that get my goat? Willful ignorance, intolerance, close-mindedness and ladies white dress shoes.”
-Scraps

Annoying habits

“Also, he tends to leave kitchen cabinets open after getting a plate or cup out. I hate it.”
-Rachel

Grocery Store Woes

“I say constantly at the grocery store – I’m patient and I will wait till you’re finished. But then they always hurry out of the way. “
-Melissa

I really like this one. I’ll have to try it sometime.

“And the people who write checks. Can’t they get with the times and ask their bank for a check card? It is literally the same exact way of paying, except its worlds more convenient. I don’t get people who turn down convenience because they’re too stuck in their ways!”
-Lynda

Rude Behavior

“My personal bugaboo is rudeness. I cannot – *cannot* – stand that. I answer the phones at work and I come across all manner of telephone rudeness. Is it the empath in me that causes me to be ultra-polite to others?”
-Lisa

“There is no excuse for it, and it makes me want to bash something over their heads. (Which I think is not so much rude- as violent, so I’m not being hypocritical).”
-SUZROCKS

What a visual.  Violence is sometimes a necessary evil.

Grammar

Mandy can’t stand this grammatical error.
“I could care less,” when it’s actually, “I couldn’t care less.” If a person could care less, that means that actually care a little bit. If you couldn’t care less, that means you totally don’t give a rip! Get it right, people!”

I’m afraid to ask her if I formatted that right!

Food

“Talking with a mouth full irritates me so much it was tough when we were living in China hahaha.”
-Maureen

I hate to cross China off my list…

At the movies

“People who bring babies to an action movie (or any movie really). Every time something blows up, the baby screams. If you can afford to go to the movies, you can afford a babysitter.”
-Clarabela

Nothing like baby screams to kill the atmosphere.

I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who gets batty over little and not so little annoyances.

As told by Human Translator

I enjoyed sharing my rage inducers so much in my last post, 10 things that may one day make me snap, that I put Eliza Leigh in timeout, the shoe box to be precise, so I could share 10 more pet peeves.

One- Rude people in supermarkets

I’m not talking about the lady four inches shorter cackling and calling me short but the people that push and shove to get to the ice cream. Really, the three rows next to me of vanilla are different than the one in front of me? If you are not literally starving or starring in a post-apocalyptic flick then there is no need.

Two- Talking with food in your mouth

We all do it but when you have a mouth full of escaping food as you incessantly talk or flying as you gesture it makes me want to dodge your messy projectiles while wondering if I’ll have to do the Heimlich maneuver.

Three- Leaving empty containers in the fridge

Whether it is eggs, my leftovers, or my ice cream stash if you eat it all throw away the evidence. That way I won’t get my hopes up and throw a tantrum. Well it would be a smaller tantrum.

Four- Crocodile Tears

You want sympathy, you want forgiveness just don’t offer up fake tears. Yeah, it will make me uncomfortable but only because I’m attempting to restrain an overwhelming desire to slap you upside the head and in my best Chris Tucker voice cry, “What’s wrong with you?”

Five- Repeatedly, purposely mispronouncing

I say many things wrong but if you can’t say something right after the thirtieth time in a row then use a different word. For example, if you can’t pronounce Geum Jan Di then just say the main character in Boys Over Flowers.

Six- Beeping when you’re in the wrong

Just because you’re louder doesn’t mean you’re right.

Seven- Telemarketers that hang up on you

I say no thank you and you hang up! Next time I won’t pick up the phone at all.

Eight- Nagging

We all do this too but at least vary your vocabulary otherwise it becomes a mantra- in a bad way.

Nine- Not replying to my emails

When there is a legitimate question or we’re making plans and you blow me off. Oh wait, is that how people feel when I don’t call them back?

Ten- Constantly interrupting my train of thought

If I say hang on a second and continue to scribble furiously then please stop talking to me. Or at least don’t expect a response.

Looking back at these Pet Peeves posts I realize that Eliza Leigh and I have more in common than I thought. That or she’s brainwashing me.  If you enjoyed my ramblings check out this post, 10 things that are just NOT okay, over at SNOTW.

What about you? Do you have any pet peeves that make you a little crazy? Please share it so I won’t feel so lonely.