Have a pesky mutant ant?
I may be a mutant ant but only my humanoid translator finds me pesky. Here are seven examples of her murderous intent, all of which failed miserably.
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“Eliza Leigh, you’re exaggerating like usual. I only tried four of those.”
Let that be a lesson to all you ant killers and remember we out number you!
Photo credit: xardian of Flickr
Once upon a time in a town called Mayberry my human stumbled across some hot sauce with her picture on the label.
“Eliza! There are so many things wrong with this post.”
Besides the fact that you have no Sir Fartalot?
no…No…NO! Not the shoebox!
“Let’s start over.”
“There once was an opinionated ant.
A shoe came down and she went splat.”
“THE END”
Finally, my Humanoid has uploaded some beautiful pieces of artwork. As in me, of course.
Many months ago, HT got her timing right (this is very rare) and started following Chris Eliopoulos (Cartoonist i.e. Misery Loves Sherman) on Twitter in time to get a drawing done. Since she was able to get anything drawn, naturally she chose me.
“Not that I had a choice, I really wanted to ask if he could draw a reflexology treatment.”
Boring and stop squinting.
“I can’t help it, it’s from all the ocular eye shots I’ve been taking lately. Anyone have any eye shots they’d like to share so my poor beady eyes can take a break?”
What happened to your last victim? I mean volunteer?
“They went blind.”
Ouch, I hope you have liability insurance. Back to my beautiful pictures, here is a sample of some from very gifted artists.
anonymous (until we find out what he wants to be known as. eL drawings today the Louvre tomorrow)
“I especially like these…
It captures one of my favorite fantasies.”
EVIL!! Now I’m going to tell you the Primeval spoiler…
“More eL pictures coming as we type. Have you seen her about? Let us know or drop your clean link in the comments below.”
How come you always get to say the legal mumbo jumbo?
“Now who’s sulking?”
Eliza stars in her first movie. It’s an one minute movie with a mystery at the end. Watch it, then finish the story below. It is voiceless (apart from the chirping birds), a bit noisy and captioned.
Let us know what you think, enjoy.
Looking for more One Minute Movies? Here are a few eL enjoys.
Human I hate to sound like I’m nagging you-
“but?”
I keep looking at your draft pile and it’s growing larger and larger.
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
In theory, but why haven’t you posted my thoughts on underwater tunnels, the future of sidewalks or even my monthly movie reviews?
“Who would want to read them?”
Who-who! Stop snickering. You are paid-
“-am I?!”
-your job is to translate, transcribe, BLOG my thoughts. So blog’em!
“Eliza Leigh?”
What?
“How are you enjoying your sugar detox?”
I think you should pass me those Reeses Pieces.
Please.
Finally we get to see Madea on the silver screen again!
Are you going to the movies tonight? My l a m e o humanoid refuses to take me opening night…
“I can’t go tonight but I’m definitely going this weekend.”
What about me?
“You Eliza? It depends on your behavior. And if you promise not to wear that costume.”
Oh come on, I’m getting into character.
“Hmm, as Korben Dallas says,’I am not going.’”
Back to Madea. No Fifth Element deviations right now.
“Okay who wants to see Eliza Leigh’s mugshot?”
HUMAN! shoebox!
“I doubt you’d find one large enough for me. Let’s make a deal, we show your mugshot and I’ll take you to the movies.”
You won’t put me in with the Rasinets again will you?
“Fine.”
Deal… here’s my mugshot… but I think I’d do better without blond hair, what do you think?
“I think it’s time to buy tickets.”
On parting note, here’s a clip from Madea Goes to Jail (the play). We’ve mentioned it before, but can’t help hoping it will be in the movie in some form~
“I’m through, I’m through.”
A message from the author:
Enjoy snippets from Eliza Leigh’s Memoirs. They are in no particular order so check back often and read Eliza Excerpts
As told by Eliza Leigh~
When I was very young I dreamed of being a queen. My colony was quite large so we had more than one queen at a time. My mother was the oldest, at least 20 human years. She would tell me how one day I would be a queen like her.
Sadly, a Hurricane destroyed that dream. I was still in my formative years when the “great storm” (possibly Wilma) struck. Queens are determined by the nutrition they receive as baby ants, or larvae. This is the case in any ant colony and ours was no different. Fighting to survive the “great storm” that ripped our nest asunder caused my proper nutrition to naturally become a luxury. Once the storm abated, work began to repair our home and clean up the carnage left behind.
It was because of this that my mother and queen recognized that although I had entered the work force through necessity I was rather good at my job. Instead of me, one of my sisters (a breeder) would rule beside our mother and I would continue on to find my destiny.
Here’s a few pictures of our resident mutant ant. They weren’t drawn by a five year old, I checked three times, but my very own human translator.
“Hey, they look like a first-grade school project at least!”
More to come soon.
It’s truly all about her.
Born in a dump in Miami, Fl she woke up one day transformed. Although she was still an ant she could understand humans, picking up many languages easily. It wasn’t until she realized that she too could talk human did she decide to travel away from home and explore the great unknown. Her voracious curiosity landed her in many a strange place and developed her sense of wonder. Things human consider ordinary and mundane were unpolished gems to Eliza Leigh. She travelled up the East Coast and eventually found a human (an easily manipulated one) who would spread her thoughts on all things.
Sidewalks, sweets and species are her specialties.
Blogger who questions her sanity.
This humanoid tries to remain objective and anonymous but here’s a few facts that have leaked out:
Female. Works odd hours. Possibly in a government or medical facility. Was very concerned over mental wellness when eL followed her home and began a deep, long monologue on the future of the culture and way of life for the Aborigines in Australia.
Since eL has been to stay Humanoid Translator has had to restock her pantry countless times, bought multiple ant traps and shared in some mundane but usually bizarre endeavors.
A Dog
This gentle canine can speak and be spoken to, that is if you are a mutant ant.
More Character Profiles Coming Soon:
Profile Pictures of Eliza Leigh and Human Translator are percolating as we speak.
“Why I like ‘evil eL’?”
I told you to put my picture on… Diva eL!
Here’s the two pictures we’re talking about.
