OPINIONATED ANTLife Lessons | OPINIONATED ANT

Lesson Learned: From Flat Tires

Eliza Leigh & HT — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:00:44 +0000

People will walk/drive by you and stare without saying anything.

This didn’t bother me the ten times people passed us by until one man walked by REAL slow and then DROVE by real slow. He should’ve stopped and asked for my autograph. Incidentally, one woman stopped and the two guys that ultimately got my tire on.

Make sure you have the necessary tools in your trunk.
Shocker, I did! Where they came from though I have no idea. Put the jack in the right place.

Make sure you put your jack in the right place.
Don’t ask me where that is since I forgot already. Just not where I had it.

If you have a spare, check it for air occasionally.
My spare is currently full of Fix-A-Flat. Another necessary in your car.

It is the whole wheel that needs to come off- not just the rubber part.
I don’t think I can say much more…

Driving on a flat can bend your rim- even if it is only a very, very, very short distance.
All the times I drove for long distances on a very, very, very low tire without a bent rim don’t count

If you have roadside assistance make sure you have the phone, card or whatever it is connected to with you.
Speaking of roadside assistance-ours got lost & told my sister that he wasn’t going to look for us. So make sure you tell them the directions. I guess telling him three times wasn’t enough (okay maybe twice .

Stand on the lug nut while trying to loosen the nuts.
It is the small things that give you joy.

“I found this whole post about it on CMcKane’s posterous.”

That is funny, who is this CMcKane and how did they know about our day?

Note from the author: Please don’t tellEliza Leigh or her Humanoid Translator they are not real. End of public service announcement.

Rambles: Life Lessons

Eliza Leigh & HT — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 10:00:00 +0000

When you begin drafting letters with basic html codes… you have a problem.
Don’t sit in your car in a parking spot when little old ladies are circling the the lot like hungry sharks. Jaws eat your heart out.
Don’t eat rasinets off the floor.
Try not to carry on vocal one-sided conversations in public.
If you’re going to use alternative, eco-friendly or retro cleaning products- Avon bath oil does not count.

That’s five for today. Remember, as a mutant I can do so much more than you sad, pitiful weaklings known as humans so listen to me.

“Eliza, you are hereby banned from watching Pinky and the Brain.”

One is a genius the other’s insane…

Rambles: Life Lessons

Eliza Leigh & HT — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:00:21 +0000

Human, never ever leave on Whacked Out sports again.
”I thought you liked the VS Channel?”
Unless you’re on the show, I won’t watch. It’s painful now, but that would be quite amusing.
“That is your life lesson? So should I just delete the five you made me type out below?”

Read a book, watch a movie : Stretch your brain, or not.
Do not pretend to be Vin Disel, ever.
Don’t tell someone you’re dieting, unless you WANT them to monitor your caloric intake.
Try sleeping at least once a day.
Mix Linden tea into that little cranky toddler’s sippie cup.

Rambles: Life Lessons

Eliza Leigh & HT — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:00:52 +0000

If you always have to explain your favorite movie quotes to others- just don’t quote.
Put pillows at the base of all your stairs or a mini-trampoline.
Eat good food- whatever tastes good to you.
Try not to fall asleep in the tub- you are NOT on Invasion.
Channel your inner Yoda, whatever that means.

Rambles: Life Lessons

Eliza Leigh & HT — Thu, 28 May 2009 15:00:28 +0000

Don’t sit next to the exit of a movie theater with your Chinese food and Beer- at least don’t act shocked when you get caught.
Don’t give someone directions when you’re lost.
Try not to fall asleep while eating.
If you’re mad at someone, wash all their dark clothes… in bleach.
Keep your temper tantrums inside the house, cars have glass windows and people CAN see you.

Do any of these sound like you? Please share ’and remember, this is for posterity so be honest’.

Rambles: Life Lessons

Eliza Leigh & HT — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:00:43 +0000

Five more kernels of wisdom from the most intelligent mutant ant you’ve ever known.

“You’re the only mutant ant.”

Ha, that’s what you think!

Brush your teeth, you never know when you’ll have a close encounter, of any kind.
If you loan family money, charge ‘em interest.
If you’re singing in public- be really drunk or really good.
If you’re a dinner guest- eat the food and like it.
Never run outside in only a towel if you live on a busy street- especially if it’s a teeny towel.

Rambles: Life Lessons

Eliza Leigh & HT — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 15:00:04 +0000

Life is like a box of…
Some seriously deep lessons I, Eliza Leigh (Mutant Ant), will share with the masses.

“There, Eliza, you just lost your last reader.”

Who? Someone reads this blog?

“Me.”

Fine… here are five life lessons you’d do well to ponder.

“Better.”

Don’t use Burt Bees lip balm as an eye concealer, really.
Make sure your car is in park before you get out.
Never block yourself in a corner, unless you’re in time out.
Make sure you have your money before you drive two hours to Ikea in an Uhaul.
Don’t go to the movies with a loud mouth, unless you are a loud mouth.

“Hmm, interesting.”
Keep pondering human.