OPINIONATED ANT » Species

Noses Grow & Not Just From Lying

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 13:00:00 +0000

Pinocchio isn’t the only one with an enlarged nose. I caught my human despondently examining her widening nostrils. I found it quite amusing to watch her sigh “I’m getting old”. I pointed out the circles under her eyes, the wrinkles on her face and-

“Enough, they get the point. I’m old.”

Well, those were more noticeable. When I told her I heard ears grew but doubted noses did she argued and repeated a story her grandmother told her.

“You mean the German fairy tales? The boy who wouldn’t stop sucking his thumb so his mum cut it off?”

EWW!

“Or the one where a boy wouldn’t eat his soup-“

Enough, Barbarian! I mean the one where the lady who knew your grandmother when young saw her again years later and said, “What happened to your nose?”

“Oh, that one, ha-ha. Mine isn’t growing I think I just broke it.”

You have issues.

“Obsessing over noses is normal, at least compared to talking to mutant ants.”

True but it’s just more verification for your records.

“What records?”

Want to know what makes your nose grow?

They don’t!

Gravity wages an arduous battle on the human body and the nose rarely escapes unscathed. Between faces sagging, noses drooping and wrinkles creating unique web-like designs, humans are natural morphers.

I still think exoskeleton is the way to go!

“If you’re still thinking about Little-Suck-a-Thumb’s fate here’s a link to Der Struwwelpeter the ten story collection by Heinrich Hoffmann to terrify teach children. If you can get someone to read it to you in German it’s marvelous otherwise you can get it in English or read it online.”

Noses, human, we were talking about noses. Focus…oy.

* Photo Credit: by La Tête Krançien on Flickr

Snapped: Swan Prince

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:00:00 +0000

Snapped: Who’s This?

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:00:00 +0000

Back from Outer Space… I Will Survive

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:00:42 +0000

“Eliza Leigh, are you singing!!? ”

I Will Survive What do you think the beautiful noise emanating from my mouth is?

“You’re last breath?”

Human, this would probably be a good time to tell you that I found your chocolate stash… and it is now depleted.

“I won’t survive. What do you want? I’m trying to unpack and edit all the pictures from this weekend.”

That’s what I survived. Not only did we manage to emerge unscathed from the parking garage (how many spots did Bebe need to try out, they were all the same size) but I was tempted with gluttony and did not have a coronary. You on the other hand…

“Let’s not talk about food.”

No, let’s. How many buffets did you go to? Is Portland, Maine a mecca for them?

“We went to two buffets. The Great Wall and Pizza Hut.”

I was shocked they still have Pizza Huts.

“I know, but it was Bistro style. A far cry from the Pizza Hut I used to go to as a kid, there was some Reading Rainbow book program and we got buttons and everything. What was it called? Eliza? H e l l o?

Back from Outer Space… oh sorry I was tuning you out. What we talkin about? Right, food. Show some pictures of the food we ate this weekend.

I wish you would hurry up and fix your flash player problems so you can upload the little video clips you took too. Like Greg “I made Bill Cosby Laugh” who showed Bebe how to make frozen Gyoza at Trader Joe’s or How to Make Someone Queasy (that was the funniest/lamest video you made yet).

“Hey that one was your idea!”

Yes, but you taped it.

“I will survive, hey hey.”

Favorites on Flickr

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Tue, 26 May 2009 12:00:39 +0000

It’s amazing how easily my humanoid gets distracted from cleaning, filling, anything pertaining to productivity.

“I resent that!”

It’s true isn’t it?

“Still, I resent it… and I’m sick.”

While my humanoid sulks and you are just getting back into the groove at work (a. if you work & b. if you had a long weekend) peruse some of our favorite shots found on flickr.

“What Eliza Leigh means by our favorites is others pictures.”

Exactly, now get back to work!

“Have any of you seen The Fifth Element? Imagine Ruby Rod (aka Chris Tucker) yelling “Commercial” when Eliza Leigh says “Get Back to Work”. I thought you might appreciate the audio.”

I take that as a compliment. Now turn off Fern Gully and put on The Fifth Element for me. Or I’ll eat that last of your 1up Mario Brothers candy.

“That’s Blackmail.”

You catch on fast. There’s hope for you yet.

Sidewalks~
One of eL’s favorite subjects.

Transportation

by expthermic on flickr

Bonus: Little Car

Infrastructure

by DL_

Bonus: LA Bridge & Boats

Architecture

by Zior_

Bonus: Section B

Sweets~

by Sir. Mo

Bonus: Lime-Fruit Cream Bars

Species~
Insects

by Zior_

(Well not an insect but in reptile family so we’re using it, ssh don’t tell Eliza Leigh, she wanted her picture here ;)
Bonus: Honey Bee

Small Mammals

by m.cristina

Bonus: White Squirrel

Humans

by astro twilight

Bonus: At the Fair

Quote of the Week

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:00:04 +0000

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Agatha Christie

Dog Sitting Beagle the Beagle

Eliza Leigh and Humanoid Translator — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 14:00:55 +0000

This month Beagle the Beagle came to our house to be dog sat. He was supposed to stay for a day or two but his owners didn’t want him back.

RUFF!

Fine, they couldn’t get back over the Canadian border so we had him for a week. Not having my humanoids undivided attention was annoying. Beagle needed walks, Beagle needed food, Beagle needed his belly rubbed, Beagle got to sit next to my Humanoind Translator (HT) and got his ears scratched while watching Primeval.

“Are we going anywhere with this?”

Yes, I was warming up the crowd for Beagle. They’re all yours, dog.

Thanks, Eliza Leigh. Staying in a new house was scary at first, until I realized my humans weren’t sending me to the kennel, then I was slightly relieved. When I met Eliza Leigh (eL), I thought she was a toy, not a chew toy, but a Teddy Ruskbin knock-off. How many many of you know who Teddy Ruskbin is? Being told, quite caustically, that eL was a mutant ant, was believable, after all I am a talking dog. Sadly, humans don’t understand me, but one opinionated ant does. Imagine my surprise, my exultation, when the funny looking bug responded to my lonely sigh.

“What’s your problem, fleabag? You’re living the life here, Lassie,” she whined.

Dejected, I replied, “If only you could understand me.”

“Well, what’s not to understand, Beethoven?” She started waving her arms around.

Reeling in shock, I vaguely remember almost squishing her. After that bizarre conversation my week flew by. Being pampered by the lady of the house was marvelous, but when eL convinced her to translate a story or two for me, let’s just say I’d tell her the exact coordinates to my bone burial site.
Although HT believes eL is just messing with her mind she allows my words to grace her blog, perhaps even monthly.
I’m no wise soul, just a dog, but here are a few words I’d like to pass on:

Watch the Dog Whisperer. “It’s not the dog, it’s you.”

Take your pets outside, otherwise buy one you can put in a tank.

Come back next time to learn more about my dog sitting visits.

Ehem.

Or sooner, to hear a slightly cranky, slightly crazed mutant ant rant.

End of transmission.

“Eliza, what are you talking about?”

I always wanted to say that. Where’s my ant treats?